Let me start off by saying there is nothing more beautiful in lyfe than being a wife and mother. Roles in which have truly stretched me and challenged me in ways I never thought were possible. But, have fulfilled me in spaces I didn't know needed to be filled.
Ok, let me be completely clear on this...when I say wife'N aint easy I mean actually being a W.I.F.E. in every sense of the word, not simply holding the title with the signed piece of paper.
Especially if your goal is to be a great wife, with your own relationship has #relationshipgoals and not some glamorized social media post. Of two people who couldn't breathe the same air as the other person 10 minutes ago. You get my drift, right? I call them the social media lovers!!
All I'm saying is no one told me the real on this whole marriage wife thing, beyond his sexy chocolate skin and million dollar smile. The work in marriage is real suga pie and requires great effort on your part as a wife. (deep breath) That means we have to take a lonnnng hard look in the mirror and check that chic staring back at us.
Now I must admit at first I just thought marriage was like a very long boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. I never concluded that marriage was something all together different. We never had that marriage and family conversation in my house, couples wasn't something I was frequently exposed to. Well let me say married couples were not, I knew lots of common law married couples. These are couples that have been together for more than 10 years and have never exchanged vows of marriage.
Soooo my thoughts on the whole boyfriend girlfriend perception lasted about 30 seconds after we said "I DO", I had no idea the journey that awaited me. I didn't know the part of me that this marriage would awaken, (whispers) I've been married once before. Okay, now back to the topic at hand, LOL that is a totally different story. But any-who, I had no idea I was still carrying old baggage and issues I thought had been long gone.
Note to the wise: just because you no longer feel the hurt anymore if the root of the issue goes unresolved the pain just lies dormant.
PS: your next relationship is about to feel the wave of your emotional wrath from the past.
The hard truth of the matter is being a wife requires you to give, be vulnerable, communicate and submit. Most of the time I felt in a personal quandary when it came to vulnerability. That was the big one for me for some reason. I'll still working on that one...send me some positive vibes on that girlfriend.
Honestly, because I had put so much of my heart on the line before I was terrified about doing it again. Withholding made me feel safer...however, it poked holes in my relationship. Remember that chic in the mirror I mentioned earlier, I had to have a talk with her.
When Michael Jackson said " I'm starting with the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways. Now, let me allow you a few moments to let that sink in...
Sis, we have to learn the value of unpacking our baggage before we voyage forward in lyfe and into relationships. At some point that crap gets to damn heavy to carry, push or pull along. Those unresolved mental self-issues that begin to seep out without our permission, ain't pretty. No amount of mascara or mink lashes can cover us up.
Wife'N aint easy! Especially when you are bruised from before. Especially when you have hidden the authentic version of yourself from yourself and the world. Wife'N aint easy it requires you to give, to stretch, to sacrifice and to die to what you thought you knew about yourself & marriage prior to you saying "I DO".
What I am learning is, wife isn't a title it's a position of honor and commitment. This role will grow you and expose you all at the same time. It will test you and reward you. Make you laugh and sometimes you may cry. But, let me say this, in the sweet by and by, like the older folks use to say. It gets sweeter and sweeter with time!! As long as you remember to go back to the chic in the mirror every now and then to have a heart to heart.