From being a daughter to raising girls of my own. This is being raised as daughter from my perceptive...
Because I said so
This is a response that I know all to well, I didn't understand it then and I still don't really get it now. I absolutely hated it... My response would be something like, well why you say so? Yea, I was that kind of kid. Just curious genuinely about her reason. I just didn't get it, like what does that even mean. What is the true reason, or do you even have a reason? This, in my opinion was just a flex of that I AM the mama muscle. So as you could imagine I vowed that whenever I had children I would never use those four dreadful words. At least not in place of providing a valid reason.
The view within...
I felt like an alien most of the time, I promise ET and I are related. I was so misunderstood in my mind. When I looked at how other girls laugh and joke with their mother, I wanted that too. Even if you won't openly admit it, you like the mushy stuff too. But, how in the world can you get to that when the two of you seem to be from two different planets? This disconnect over time grew into the Berlin Wall that separated us, nothing was able to penetrate it. This was the start of my own personal lack of self-worth/love crisis.
More than just the words...
It was more than the "because I said so ", it was the absence of affirmation, validation and inspiration in between them.I have learned that the key is balance and communication. Two VERRRRYYYY important elements is raising daughters that I have learned. Did I say very important? Great, I want to make sure you feel my energy on that one. Because it's a huge deal and can make or break your relationship going forward.
In a nutshell...
This tends to make you feel dismissed and in a small way unloved, at least that was my feeling. In my head I would think, really that's the response when I'm curious about a decision? What did that teach me you ask? How to use my MOMMY-power. No explanation or conversation on the matter, just "because I said so" (meh).
Once I had children of my own I vowed that I wouldn't just use my final authority of "because I said so" as the final say without an explanation. This is just my personal view on this subject, remember our daughters are miniature human beings they matter, right? Now of course the ole school mothers would not agree with this method. I was told children don't need explanations (mind blowing right), yup! But don't you?
Well me being the rebel that I am, didn't allow those opinions to define the communicative vibe between me and my daughters. It's my duty as their mother to teach them all the things I have learned and experienced and how to use it in the best way along their journey. After all we want them to use their voice, take a stand for what they believe, yet we don't fully equip and teach them how. When we hide behind the because I said so. Where's the lesson in that?
As a mom...
Raising daughters I have learned that it is easy to project your fears onto them without even knowing it. To keep them from experiencing the same hurt and pain that we had to endure...that took us years to recover from (geesh). I honestly have had to work very hard to change the culture of my relationship with my daughters, to not repeat the same practices I was raised in. We as moms have to first admit and deal with the skeletons in our own closets.
Look HONESTLY, in the mirror and face the YOU that you are afraid for others to see. Look in the mirror and not see the areas that we feel our own mothers failed us. You know what you want...just GIVE that to her.
Raising daughters is both a great reward and a second chance to experience what you needed as a young girl through the motherhood experience you create with your daughter.
Cheers to our girls may we love them, train them and allow them to become!!
What has been your greatest challenge either as a daughter or mother?